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Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not sell miracle cures
No one is interested in my underpants
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of business like show business
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
My homework was not stolen by a one armed man
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
This is not a clue. . .or is it?
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have the power of attorney over first graders
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not use abbrev.
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I will only do this once a year
The truth is not out there
I will not hide the teacher's prozac
I am not my long-lost twin
I am not licensed to do anything
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I will not bleach the flag.
I will not exaggerate about my father's weight.
Everyone is getting tired about that Richard Gere story.
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